Saying I’m Sorry: Relentless Repentance


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“Let us be very gentle with our neighbors’ failings, and forgive our friends their debts as we hope ourselves to be forgiven.” -William Makepeace Thackeray

The song featured below, Luck by American Authors, beautifully expresses the art of saying I am sorry.
Personally, the lyrics hit so close to home in regards to my testimony that I wanted to share them with all of you!

When I finally accepted accountability for my horrible behavior as an addict, the next step of recovery was to try and rectify the relationships I had destroyed because of my actions.
I was awful to my family, my friends, myself and to God.
I had so much to apologize for and for the first time in a long time, I sincerely sought to be forgiven.
Unfortunately, some things cannot be repaired after so much damage has been done, but that has not stopped me from relentless repentance.
We are not always forgiven by the people we have done harm to, but by grace we are always forgiven when seeking God’s forgiveness.

Although my days of destruction and addiction are over, I now make it a priority to tell God I am sorry when I am wrong every single day.

Please listen to this inspiring song to get more of a glimpse of how I said I’m sorry then, why I say I’m sorry now, and why I am forgiven by God forever!
I have provided the lyrics for you to read!
God bless you all and be forgiven! Say your sorry and mean it! That’s all it takes.

I will feed My flock, and I will make them lie down,” says the Lord GOD. “I will seek what was lost and bring back what was driven away, bind up the broken and strengthen what was sick; but I will destroy the fat and the strong, and “I will seek what was lost and bring back what was driven away, bind up the broken and strengthen what was sick; but I will destroy the fat and the strong, and feed them in judgment.” (Ezekiel 34:15-16 NKJV)

LUCK– lyrics by
American Authors

How can we make amends when we said all we said?
I call and you don’t pick up
How can I say instead that I hope it’s for the best?
I won’t, and I won’t give up

I’m sorry, Mother
I know I let you down
I’m sorry for how I up and left this town

How can we push aside all the bad and make it right
Now you got me all choked up
I’m sorry, brother
I know I let you down
I’m sorry for how I up and left this town
Please just listen cause I don’t ask for much
I am my own man
I make my own luck

How can we both pick sides when we know nothing’s right?
Open up the door that’s shut
How can I have my pride and drink away my soul tonight?
Sorrow’s filling up my cup

I’m sorry, Father
I know I let you down
I’m sorry for how I up and left this town
Please just listen cause I don’t ask for much
I am my own man
I make my own luck

Well some birds aren’t meant to be caged
And I just can’t see the light of day

Please forgive me
I can’t remember
Please forgive me
no one is calling
Please forgive me
I can’t believe it
No…

Gonna pick myself up, so I don’t let this ever grow
Even if I mess up, I won’t let this ever go
It’s hard to stay
It’s hard to stay
Cause some birds aren’t meant to be caged

How can I set us free?
I’m what you taught me to be
Shouldn’t that be enough?
It’s time that we make amends
Let’s forget the things we said
You know we were all just talk

I’m sorry, Mother
I know I let you down
I’m sorry, Father
I didn’t stick around
Please just listen cause I don’t ask for much

Cabbages and Kings


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I have been a fan of Author, Lewis Carroll my entire life. In fact, his work has played a major part in my wanting to become a writer myself.
Lewis Carroll not only captivates his readers, but also literally takes them captive through his use of mind twisting allegory and his play on words.

Jesus, much like the poems and writings of Carroll, also used parables as means of ministering to groups of people because it made His teachings easier for them to understand. Ironically, many fail to see the meaning behind the story and only take away from the lesson just that… A story.

Behind every fable there is a fact.
Behind every parable there is a point.
I thought it would be interesting to demonstrate how, if we learn to read beyond the words we read or hear, we
can find invaluable wisdom and moral guidance.

Many do not know the very real story behind Lewis Carroll’s Alice In Wonderland. Many do not know his personal connection to each character and in turn they see it merely as a children’s book.

The Walrus And The Carpenter brilliantly shows us the heart of the arrogant man and the nativity of the innocent. It warns us not to trust what man says and what happens when we follow our own advice.

God will never tempt you away from safety and allow the wilderness to devour you. The enemy on the other hand will lead you right into his dining room and have you as his main course!

Do not be arrogant. Do not follow fools.
Seek God in all situations. Let the Bible be your tool.

Man thinks he has it all, but without God he has nothing. No king, president, or ruler can ever eradicate sickness or suffering, yet God willingly does so.

God is the sovereign ruler of the universe and His kingdom shall reign forever. Don’t build castles in the sand and expect them to stand.
God is God. Man is just man.

THE WALRUS AND THE CARPENTER

Tweedle Dum:
The sun was shining on the sea
Shining with all his might

Tweedle Dee:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright

Tweedle Dum:
And this was odd because it was

Both: The middle of the night

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Tweedle Dee:
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand

Tweedle Dum:
The beach was wide
From side to side
But much too full of sand

Carpenter:
Mr. Walrus!

Tweedle Dee:
Said the Carpenter

Carpenter:
My brain begins to perk
We’ll sweep this clear
In ‘alf a year
If you don’t mind the work

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Walrus: Work?!
The time has come…

Tweedle Dee: The Walrus said

Walrus:
To talk of other things
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax
Of cabbages and kings
And why the sea is boiling hot
And whether pigs have wings
Calloo-Callay
No work today!
We’re cabbages and kings

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Oh, uh, Oysters, come and walk with us
The day is warm and bright
A pleasant walk
A pleasant talk
Would be a sheer delight

Carpenter:
Yes, should we get hungry on the way
We’ll stop and, uh, have a bite

Walrus: Ahem!

Tweedle Dum:
But Mother Oyster winked her eye
And shook her heavy head
She knew too well this was no time
To leave her Oyster bed

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Mother Oyster:
The sea is nice,
Take my advice
And stay right here

Tweedle Dee:
Mum said

Walrus: Yes, yes, of course, of course, but, uh, ha, ha!
The time has come, my little friends
To talk of other things
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax
Cabbages and kings
And why the sea is boiling hot
And whether pigs have wings, ha ha
Callo-Callay
Come, run away
With cabbages and kings!

Well, now, uh, let me see
Ah, a loaf of bread is what we chiefly need!

Carpenter:
Listen, how ’bout some pepper and salt and vinegar, eh?

Walrus:
Well, yes, yes, splendid idea, ha ha!
Very good, indeed
Now, if you’re ready, Oysters, dear
We can begin the feed

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Oysters: Feed??!

Walrus: Oh, yes…
The time has come, my little friends
To talk of food and things

Carpenter:
Of peppercorns and mustard seeds
And other seasonings!
We’ll mix ’em all together
In a sauce that’s fit for kings
Calloo-Callay
We’ll eat today
Like cabbages and kings!

Walrus: I, uh…
I, I weep for you. I (hic), oh excuse me
I deeply sympathize
For I’ve enjoyed your company, oh much more
Than you realize

Carpenter:
Little Oysters? Little Oysters?

Tweedle Dee:
But answer, there came none

Tweedle Dum:
And this was scarcely odd because

Both:
They’d been eaten
Every one!

Walrus: Hm… Well, uh… Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ahem, uh… The time has come!

Tweedle Dee and Dum: With cabbages and kings!

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Chasing The Light


“Man is not born to solve the problems of the universe, but to find out what he has to do… within the limits of his comprehension.” -Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

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Life has a way of kicking us when we are already down.
So many people are suffering in so many ways.
Whether we are sick, tired, stressed, lonely, lost or living in fear… all of us are searching.
We are all trying desperately to see the point in the midst of our pain.
We say to ourselves “There has to be more to all of this than the bills, the stress, the pills, and the tears”

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The truth is that there is a very real, very unique , and very powerful purpose for each and every one of our lives.
There is an order to the chaos, a remedy for all that ails us, and a light at the end of our long, dark hallways.

God is not absent when you feel like you are all alone. He is listening to you when you call out to Him, He loves you regardless of if you love Him back.

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The real question here is “Do you love Him back?”
Working in retail I see first hand the hundreds of people who are downright miserable.
I see people angry and greedy during this holiday season instead of being grateful or taking time to rest and be with their loved ones.
It has never been whether or not God is there for us, but rather are we even available to Him?
We cannot chase paper or people or status and expect to feel validated. We cannot choose to remain in our current circumstances and wonder why we have not progressed.
We cannot pretend we are in invincible yet negate the only One who is.

God loves you more than you can even try to understand.
Life is tough, but what exactly are you living for ?
If we settle for what the world offers, or fixate on what it takes away, then I would suppose that is why so many self medicate, walk around resentful or harbor ill will for its creator!

If we chase after the light of our lives, the source of our being, then we will find just that!
Are we really wanting that light or are we too lazy look for it?
If you are searching for the dark then I’m afraid it has already found you first!

Don’t give up your purpose on purpose.
Regardless of what life has become for you, with God you are unstoppable.
Pray for not just the things you want, but for the you that you want.

Don’t let your circumstances dictate your future. God is the only one with that power and we are fortunate to know that He loves us so much.

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When you feel overwhelmed or irritated it means you are spending too much time with the World and not enough time with God. Trust Him and step out of your comfort zone!

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.” -William Shedd

Keep running after the light. You were born to shine like the stars are remember, no one is ever so far left that God cannot make them right.

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Uneven Exchange: Freedom For Failing


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There are ties that hold us to trial and chains that bind us to our fears. The way we choose to do things on our own is the very thing that keeps us from the freedom we so desperately hope for.
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There is peace in sweet surrender and there is gain in our letting it go. We cannot accept what God has planned for our lives while clutching on to what we are or what we need. The hardest part of beginning is ending what was. So many of us go nowhere on purpose because we are comfortable where we are. So many of us remain in our circumstances even when we are miserable just because we are afraid of what we don’t see. We settle, we struggle, and we stay.

“Spiritual progress is like detoxification. Things have to come up in order to be released. Once we have asked to be healed, then our unhealed places are forced to the surface.” -Marianne Williamson

The surrender of all you have to God includes your mind, your body, your spirit, your plans, your past and your problems. It includes your fears, your feelings, your fears and your failures. We have to be willing to give it all to God and let Him keep it. We cannot beg for freedom and ask to take our chains as souvenirs.

Give me all of you!!! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want YOU!!! ALL OF YOU!! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to KILL IT! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self—in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart. C. S. Lewis

Time after time we beg God to take our burdens or circumstances and ask Him to give us the things we want instead. God is mighty to save and He will come to the aid of all who seek Him, but do we even consider how insane that in itself is??
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We do not deserve a thing from God, but He tells us we are loved. We fail Him daily and in exchange He gives us freedom. We give Him our fear and He fills us with bravery. We give Him our hearts when they are broken and He gives us His own son to heal them again. God does not do this once for just one of us. He does is over and over and over now and forever. He longs for the tears we shed and He conquers all of the things that cause them to fall.

Give God your failures and He will show you what true freedom is. Until we can open our hands, God cannot hold them. Until we give Him our hearts He cannot heal them.

LET GO AND LET GOD
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[as a woman]

A Much Needed Reminder


Ok everyone. God has cleverly allowed me to stumble upon this gem of a song in order to get my heart right before bed tonight.

I have not listened to this song in almost two years because it made me miss my bestest friend Regina who moved away. Gina and I used to sing this song every day to all the grumpy people on the 405 in traffic to make them laugh.

I am going to post it for you all now in hopes of getting a laugh or two outta you!

We should be happy always because God has told us the battle has already been won by the blood of His Son!

When He said IT IS FINISHED He meant it!
Rejoice in the Lord you guys. Laugh in the face of fallace.

It sometimes takes a little video like this to remind me of what I know. To snap the fun back in being a follower. We all deserve better than the world tells us we are worth, but Jesus said we are gonna have wait a little while.


Please take a minute and watch this. If you don’t feel better afterwards let me know and I will pray for you. Soundtrack of my life right here… Enjoy

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The River


Sometimes it’s nice to just share with you what inspires me.
This is one of those times.
All I want to do is pass along a favorite track of mine by a favorite artist of mine in hopes you enjoy it as much as I do!
The lyrics are posted below and say all fhere is to say about why I love writing to Civil Twilight, especially around fall.
God bless. Enjoy

Civil Twilight – River Lyrics

On the warm banks of the river of life
Men and women gather with all of their rights
You see those statues, they’re men of frozen will
And we’re not like them, baby
We will never be still

Take a little dive into the river, baby
I don’t mind, I don’t mind
Just take a little dive into the river, baby
I don’t mind if we never get out

If heaven seems far away, just let your spirit sway
Just let your spirit sway
Just let your spirit

Take a little dive into the river, baby
I don’t mind, I don’t mind
Just take a little dive into the river, baby
I don’t mind if we never get out

And do we really love God all this time?

It flows through the hearts of stone
It flows in between the bone
It has flowed since the divine exchange
And flows forever, unchanged

Take a little dive into the river, baby
I don’t mind, I don’t mind
Just take a little dive into the river, baby
I don’t mind if we never get out
Never get out
I will never get out
Never get out
Never get out